How Illegal Is It? – Loafed Up

Jeff & Colette,
On most days I don’t steal loaves of bread from my employer, Dairy Chief. It was September and Rainbo had just released a Texas-style white. I took home a loaf. When I returned the next morning, I was remorseful and looking for a quick and easy way to cover my tracks. So I did what any overreacting Dairy Chief crew member would’ve done. I went into the manager’s office and ate the bread vendor’s receipt. Should I lay low?

Jeff: Next question.

Colette: Oliver, I think you are worrying way too much about this. Sure, you did commit a crime. You should never steal from your employer. However, in a few months, a year will have passed. In most jurisdictions, the statute of limitations for petty crimes is a year, so you will be home free, legally speaking.

In the meantime, if it makes you feel better, then you should lay low. In your case, this does not mean quitting your job or becoming a recluse. Just don’t do anything at work to draw attention to yourself and, for Christ’s sake, don’t eat any more work-related documents. Doesn’t the Dairy Chief have a shredder in the office?

You need to get past this. Consider donating the cost of the loaf of bread to your favorite charity. This might help assuage your guilt and ensure your future enjoyment of all Texas-style breads (toasts or otherwise).

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