There is no wolf howl in the Hog Call

With the Razorbacks set to kick off a new season this week, it seems like an opportune time to get a few things straight.

There is no “buh” in Bielema. The head coach’s name does not sound like an eating disorder. It’s BEE-luh-muh. Fans should know that.

There’s no reason Donald W. Reynolds Razorback Stadium shouldn’t be sold out for every home football game. Dove season is not an excuse for missing a season opener.

And brides-to-be, take note. There are to be no weddings on Razorback game weekends.

There is never an acceptable reason to sell your tickets to an opposing fan (especially if they’re from LSU).

There are no Coke products at Razorback Stadium.

There are no large bags, alcoholic beverages, or laser pointers allowed, either.

There are seats, but they should never be used when the opposing team is facing a third down.

There’s no blocking in the back, blocking below the waist, and something called “targeting” is not allowed this year.

There are no fans or media allowed at football practice.

There are no rhymes or reasons to the rulings of the NCAA. There’s also, apparently, nothing a Heisman trophy winner can’t get away with.

There’s no one named Gruden, Patterson, or Peterson on the coaching staff at the University of Arkansas. There’s no way Bobby Petrino is coming back.

There is no “I” in team. There is no “I” in Razorbacks. There’s no “I” in a lot of words.

Most importantly, there is no wolf howl in the Hog Call.

We’re not sure when it began, or who started it, but c’mon man. The Hog Call starts with a long “Woooooooo,” and during that time, there should be no “ow ows” or any other sounds that would come from the animal that is the mascot for a school over in Jonesboro.

Fayetteville is the home of the Razorbacks. There are no wolves here. So stop howling.

A proper Hog Call doesn’t start with ah-Woo, either. It’s “Woo Pig Sooie.” With a W. As in wallop. As in Whaley. As in win.

It’s important to get a season started on the right foot. Fans can, and often do, influence the outcomes of football games.

The Hog Call is one of the greatest traditions in college sports. Players on opposing teams have noted for years the eerie, unsettling feeling they get when 70,000 plus fans raise their hands in the air in unison, and begin to call their beloved Hogs on game day.

We just wanted to clear that up.